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6th-Nov-2007 12:49 am - A glorious week in history
Why is it a glorious week in history? Because it is the week I was born, of course! My birthday's not until Thursday, but I am commemorating it today. I have never felt less excited for a birthday, and I wish it wasn't so. For my entire life I have always loved the month of November. Wonderful things seem to have always taken place for me in November. I was born, Thanksgiving happens, it is the prelude to December - which is also a magical month- and there have been a few other memorable moments that have taken place in November. I think that David and I technically started dating in November, but who really knows. Love shouldn't have a start or end date in my personal opinion. I wish I could be as excited for this November as every other November for the past 18 years. With my work schedule and the other things that are going on in my life it is like I have barely paid this glorious month the attention it deserves. It just seems like my birthday is unimportant this year. I'm not saying that my birthday ever really was important, but it was always important enough for me to look forward to it. This year looks somewhat dismal though. I have to work and not only do I have to work, but I have to be at the open house that my store is having as our grand opening. I thought that maybe it wouldn't be so bad because I could just do something this weekend, but I have to work those days as well. Working is horrible! I used to think that having a job was so wonderful, but it's really not. Up until this point I have vested too much faith in having a job. I think that I'm going to be done at the candy store on the 20th of december. I haven't told them that yet, or even anyone else for that matter. I'm going back to school next semester and I know there is no way that I can have 2 jobs and carry a more than full class schedule. I'm better at pushing clothes than I am at pushing candy anyways. Plus I would really like to spend Christmas with David in California. He doesn't know this yet, but I've already talked to my mom about it. I could go for a few days and then come back home on the 29th with David. I don't want him to be alone on Christmas, it would be so sad! I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet.
1st-Nov-2007 12:51 am - so much action
I hate working every single day. I like having money though. I hate working every single day, just to realize a week later that I have spent all of my money and that I need to work even more. What the heck? 
 They don't know. They can't see. Are you one of them?

I made the journey to the great civilation of Grand Rapids. It was my maiden voyage and I wasn't sure how I was going to feel about it. It was a good trip. I got to see my Moll and hang out with strangers - what can be better? A cooky bald man took my hookah virginity, along with Molly and Mike. It was a life changing experience. We carved fun pumpkins too and I really don't remember the last time I relived my childhood and carved out a gourd. I've carved a couple of squash in recent days, but nothing compares to a slimy pumpkin. 

Driving something like 10 hours by yourself gives you a lot of time to reflect, so naturally there was a lot of that. Lots of crazy stuff going on, lots of messed up stuff. I've never felt more in control of my life, yet so out of control all at the same time. Its a weird feeling to have.
25th-Oct-2007 01:52 am - A new hole
Making a series of somewhat irrational decisions inspires me, I think that's why I do it. 

I'm trying to prove something to myself but I don't know what it is. It's either that or I'm trying to prove something to someone else, but still - I don't know what it is. The feeling of losing control is a horrible feeling. I feel like the only way to have control of my own life is to make extreme decisions. Two weeks ago I was planning on moving 3,000 miles across the country for another person. I thought I was doing it for myself, but I don't think thats what it really was. 

Instead, I cut off my hair, quit Baker, took another job, changed my glasses, got involved with someone I probably shouldn't have, and pierced my nose. I really don't know what's next.

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